Thursday, March 13, 2008
Everything is like, wrong. ii don't feel like me. AGAIN. Can someone find back the old me for me please? ii don't like the current me. Seriously. Everything that ii say or do seem to make me look or FEEL like a bloody hypocrite. ii ask people to smile from deep down and ii just smile but the smile feels alien, like its fake. O.o Just what is wrong with me. ii don't feel as happy and even when iim hyper, it all seems fake. Its like there just to tell people that iim fine. But in actual fact, iim not. ii never am. ii feel like everything that ii say or do acts as a mask to hide all the inner-feelings that ii feel. ii don't like it at all. ii feel like a bloody idiot larhhs. Damn anything and everything larhhs! ii HATE MYSELF LARHHS!
My mama has made it a point to ensure ii live in the mortal hell so that when ii die, ii won't suffer that much. GAHH! SHE IS PRACTICALLY CONFINING ME TO THE BLOODY HOUSE. ii CAN'T go out, ii CAN'T do things, ii can't even HOLD onto my HANDPHONE so ii can listen to my music! My iPod Nano just DIED on me, its practically non-existent now, my computer is down with a bloody FCUKING virus, my mama and papa CONFISCATED my laptop, ii am now stuck to using my brother's computer on the sly because he is out at camp and won't be back until Sunday. The only place ii am allowed to go is school and no where else. ii wanna go out, have fun, let my hair down and SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM my lungs out. Or maybe just find somewhere so ii can forget all my problems for a while and then try and focus on my work. But NO! My mama tells me, ii have to study. My O'levels are coming. ii have to finish ALL my homework and SHOW it to her on SUNDAY NIGHT. HELLO? ii am the one taking the FCUKING exam okayys, NOT YOU. ii KNOW what iim doing, NOT YOU. You think ii never study and do my homework huh. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK II NEVER. Okayys, maybe ii never do at home. But you know what ii do in school mehhs? You know what ii do whe n ii stay back in school mehs? You think you know me so well. But you got think about what ii feel anot. TanTeckNam called, you talk to him for about 15 minutes. Okayy. So what if ii failed my english and BOTH my humans. Did ii say ii will FAIL them during my O'Levels, ii wanna use my Humans to go into my selected courses okayys. After he called, you and papa come and scold and lecture and nag at me for ONE AND A HALF FCUKING HOURS. And papa, you very fake lorhhs. You say you don't want to care liao what, then why everytime you finish talking liao, walk not more than 3 steps away from em then you turn back and lecture me somemore? HUH? You very faker leiis. Really. ii seriously don't know what the hell is in your brains man. Shit arhhs? ii don't wanna CARE about it liao can anot? Give me some space can? ii might be your daughter, but at the rate you are restricting me, ii will definitely find some way to rebel against you. Trust me. And you don't let me stay back and play basketball in the rain, ii will find WAYS AND MEANS to PLAY IT ON MY OWN.
ii really am wondering if what ii did was right or wrong.
My mama has made it a point to ensure ii live in the mortal hell so that when ii die, ii won't suffer that much. GAHH! SHE IS PRACTICALLY CONFINING ME TO THE BLOODY HOUSE. ii CAN'T go out, ii CAN'T do things, ii can't even HOLD onto my HANDPHONE so ii can listen to my music! My iPod Nano just DIED on me, its practically non-existent now, my computer is down with a bloody FCUKING virus, my mama and papa CONFISCATED my laptop, ii am now stuck to using my brother's computer on the sly because he is out at camp and won't be back until Sunday. The only place ii am allowed to go is school and no where else. ii wanna go out, have fun, let my hair down and SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM my lungs out. Or maybe just find somewhere so ii can forget all my problems for a while and then try and focus on my work. But NO! My mama tells me, ii have to study. My O'levels are coming. ii have to finish ALL my homework and SHOW it to her on SUNDAY NIGHT. HELLO? ii am the one taking the FCUKING exam okayys, NOT YOU. ii KNOW what iim doing, NOT YOU. You think ii never study and do my homework huh. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK II NEVER. Okayys, maybe ii never do at home. But you know what ii do in school mehhs? You know what ii do whe n ii stay back in school mehs? You think you know me so well. But you got think about what ii feel anot. TanTeckNam called, you talk to him for about 15 minutes. Okayy. So what if ii failed my english and BOTH my humans. Did ii say ii will FAIL them during my O'Levels, ii wanna use my Humans to go into my selected courses okayys. After he called, you and papa come and scold and lecture and nag at me for ONE AND A HALF FCUKING HOURS. And papa, you very fake lorhhs. You say you don't want to care liao what, then why everytime you finish talking liao, walk not more than 3 steps away from em then you turn back and lecture me somemore? HUH? You very faker leiis. Really. ii seriously don't know what the hell is in your brains man. Shit arhhs? ii don't wanna CARE about it liao can anot? Give me some space can? ii might be your daughter, but at the rate you are restricting me, ii will definitely find some way to rebel against you. Trust me. And you don't let me stay back and play basketball in the rain, ii will find WAYS AND MEANS to PLAY IT ON MY OWN.
ii really am wondering if what ii did was right or wrong.
Imprints of ♥ 7:42 PM.
