Sunday, April 13, 2008

Look, you people. iim sorry okayys. ii know ii started all this shit and ii know you people hate it. ii hate what ii have started myself and iim trying to getthings back to normal again. ii know you people are all talking about me everytime you are together with me at the side. Just say it in front of my face larhhs. Okayys. Seriously. ii rather you people hurt me in front of my face then behind my back. It gives me a very unkind feeling that ii have been backstabbed like so many fucking times and ii don't like it. If you people want to, discuss it in front of me. ii don't think ii would mind anywayys. Since you people hate me so much right now. People tell me they wanna enjoy this last year of school as sec4s. You think ii don't want isit? You think ii wanted to start all this fuckked up shit that ii did? You think that ii wanted to fall for him? You think ii wanted all this to happen? You ask yourself. ii know whatever ii did to Abby and to Sak and to everyone was wrong. ii was wrong to start ignoring Abby, ii was wrong to hide that freaking little cockraoch in Sak's bag. ii was wrong to poke everyone like ii usually do in class. ii admit alright? iim definitely in the wrong. ii never denied anything. And ii don't think ii have any rights to do that anywayys. But everytime ii think of this problem, my heart goes empty again. It seriously does. ii mean it. Like when ii stepped down on Friday. In the canteen. ii saw Abby, ii wanted to offer her food and drinks. ii just went up to her. Asked her if she wanted a drink. She just said no, and moved away from me. Just there, ii fet like a pile of rubbish, waiting for people to trample on. Seriously. ii felt really, really sad. ii wanted to just break down and cry just then. ii seriously did. But ii held back. Because everyone was there. All my guides were there. ii couldn't cry in front of them. So ii just held back. ii tried to cover it up. With all those laughter and fun ii had with Nad&Chrisminie&company. Maybe that did it. They didn't realise how sad ii was. But none of those laughter came from deep down. ii wasn't happy. Alright? ii wasn't happy at all. ii was angry at myself. Upset at myself. Disappointed at myself. Why? Because ii couldn't even TALK to Abby properly. ii can't even strike a normal conversation with her anymore. Everything that ii say to her doesn't even last from more then 5 sentences. You people keep count. It doesn't last for more than 5 sentences. ii feel like an idiot right now. ii really do. ii don't think anything that ii typed her now could help in anyway since you guys already hate me to your guts. ii seriously wanna kill myself, rid myself and you people of all this messed up things that ii have caused. Maybe THEN things would start to get better. Maybe it would.

Abby, iim sorry.
Jane, iim sorry.
Sak, iim sorry.
SiJia, iim sorry.
Guys, iim sorry.
Girls, iim sorry.
Sorry for all these things ii let you go through.
Its not your fault.
Everything is mine and only mine to start with.

Imprints of ♥ 2:31 PM.