Looks like i'm here again tonight.
i have so many things in my head right now.
i feel so messed up about what i wanna do.
Suddenly Chef Adrian's words started replaying in my head again.
The words "you are not fit to be a chef" keeps getting stuck.
And also the words "You have no self-motivation."
They keep getting to me.
Looking back, i really think i have no self-motivation.
i don't know how to motivate myself to get through all of this.
Thats the main reason why i'm the way i am right now.
i keep thinking i can fall back onto some cushion.
But the problem is i don't have that cushion anymore.
i used to be in TP, my backing THEN would be Shatec.
i'm in Shatec NOW.
i don't have any other choices of backing because i do not intend to join any other schools.
i lost my chance in poly.
i was given a second choice here in Shatec.
What am i doing?
i got past Term 1 with a breeze because i was hyped.
Term 2, what was i doing?
i was slacking and taking everything lightly.
i got myself into the school team.
i didn't PRACTICE for it.
None at all.
i went there, blindly and boldly, and bombed something stupid.
Sure, i got myself into the team.
i was happy i did.
But if you thought about it, i wouldn't be IN it if Tricia hadn't used pork bacon.
i take things i have for granted.
Thats what i always do.
i know.
i don't know how to motivate myself to do better.
i don't know what am i doing to myself again.
Next term, i have FHA to take park it, and Recipe/Production to complete.
i have to retake my practical for this term and i can't make anymore errors like i did this term.
All i ever thought was "oh this is gonna be easy for me."
i keep taking every single thing lightly.
i don't like it.
i need to get the thinking that i can play out of my head.
Because in reality i can't.
i already lagged behind that moment i chose to fail my retake papers in poly.
i already lagged behind the moment i chose to give up on my poly education.
i don't have anytime left for me to play with anymore.
i'm not that free.
But i just can't seem to drill that into my head.
i need to do it now.
Because thats all i can ever do.
i guess its time to change the way i am.
Before things get out of hand.

i don't like the kind of person i'm becoming. i really don't like it. The person i am now is like how i used to be in poly. Except that i am not THAT bad. Unlike last time. i skipped classes every fucking day. i ran away from school every single chance i could get. Why? Because i didn't wanna see the people who hated me. But the problem is. Even though there are people in my current class who hate me. There are people who like me. SeeHui, Natasha, Fahmi, Naveen. Even though i don't like it when they tease me about this. But even people like JunHao. Zhiyang, Elstan, PoHin, Joseph. They actually do make a difference in my life. The others like Snoopy. Garfield, KC etc. They are also reasons as to why i wanted to go to school before. So why am i running away? WHAT am i running away from? i'm running away from stupidity? i'm escaping from the reality that i'm actually a failure? i'm trying to hide the fact that i'm actually irresponsible and unworthy? Just what is my problem. i don't have any problems with anyone in the class. i honestly don't. So why do i keep running away from class for? Why do i keep skipping? Is it because i don't like what is being taught? No i don't think so. i don't mind what is being taught. Is it because the things taught are too simple? No, there are so many things that i don't know about. So what the hell am i doing to my damn diploma and my future?! Seriously! What am i doing?! i just received my wake-up call from SeeHui and Natasha. They had to scream at me on facebook just to ask me to go back to school. What is my goal in life. What is it that i wanna do in my life. i wanna cook, i'm damn sure of it. i wanna open my own restaurant, a place to call my own. i wanna cook for people, and see their smiles. i wanna go overseas and cook for them. i wanna make what i love my profession. A hobby and a passion is different. i'm very well clear of it. i really am. What i have about my cooking is half-hearted passion and alot of love. What am i supposed to do now. i need to nurture my passion all over again. i need to start from zero. Is this all i can do to help myself? i'm at a loss now.

Went to celebrate my bitch Vel's birthday yesterday.
i think it was one of the funniest that i've ever done.
Really.
Even though it ended a little fucked up for me.
Seeing that my mum was like "Where the hell are you now?!" on the phone.
Anywayyyy.
So, i met up with them at around 2.
=/ i was late.
LOL.
Not my fault though, i wasn't allowed out of the house early.
Anyway, met them and had lunch.
Lunch itself was a little crazy because of the things we were talking about.
Then. THEN.
It was time to cut the cake.
LOLOLOLOL!!
Marcus was like. *takes out a yellow plastic bag open and put the huat kuet on the table in front of her*
And her face was so damn shocked.
Her jaw dropped.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
She was like WTF ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
And the next thing i said was i told you so last night. :D
Just as she was busy freaking out over her huat kuet as her birthday cake, Marcus was waving at the V8 staff to take out the birthday cake.
The one we chipped in to buy for her.
And cause they were taking a TAD too long, i ran over to check what were they doing while Marcus covered her eyes.
Brought the cake over as they blasted the birthday song through their music system.
Her face showed double the shock and was like WHAT THE HELL!
It was an ice cream cake that we got her.
So sang the birthday song and made her blow off the candles.
i should have told Marcus to get 20 small candles HAHAHAH.
20 relight-able candles.
THAT would be fun.
:D
Okay so blew the candles, i cut the cake and Marcus helped me distribute it.
Sat and ate like a mad bitch cause we were damn full. O___O
Finished lunch, went down to TKA for 2 rounds of Jubeat.
i played until my hands turned jelly.
My left hand. Seriously.
It was like something pulled in my nerve.
ZZZZ!!
It hurt like fuck.
So after Jubeat, i had a LITTLE "accident".
Eugene's friend decided to brand me his girlfriend.
What the fuck. LOL!
Ran back to find my bitches who were walking so fucking slowly.
Decided that Boyf and Joan were to go home first then the rest play lan.
Went down to Future Generation, with me walking in the rain with Eugene and Marcus.
Vel and Jane walking under unbrella.
==''
The rain isn't THAT big.
But yeah
Reached the lan shop and l4d-ed like crazy assholes.
i was yelling vulgarities again like a boss.
HAHAHAHAHA!
i was like JSKAHHKJSAHKSAHJD
It was stupid, i swear. LOL.
Left lan at about 8plus after boyf and Joan came back.
Headed down to City Hall.
Waited for Shaun and his friend.
Met Steven upstairs and walked to Timbre for food.
Hahahah!
Marcus, Joan and Vel drank Tequila and Redbull.
(Y) All 3 of them abit sot in the head after that.
So we ate and drank just that little.
Finished eating and left Timbre.
Walked to Clarke Quay MRT cause Shaun and Alex had to go home.
Joan ran off to the toilet without warning.
i went to buy drinks with Eugene.
i think there is something wrong with his Pepsi Twist.
After he drank half a bottle, he went crazy.
All that ever came out of his mouth included banging. Wtf.
But the problem is, the proved to feed as entertainment.
Me and Boyf were laughing like idiots while Steven was like *whut the hell just happened?!*
During that time Marcus was in the toilet having a battleship war. :DD
After that went back up, bought myself 2 cans of beer and a pack of poker cards.
Went to lepak at Clarke Quay along the Singapore River.
Did all sorts of weird things.
And that included me kissing Steven's cheek.
LOLOLOLOL.
They almost dared me to kiss Boyf.
i would have done so.
Because i have the guts to.
But the problem is he doesn't have the guts to let me kiss him.
Eugene also the same.
i won't touch Marcus because he's attached.
And if Steven is sporting enough i would kiss him too.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
People would think i'm nuts to make out like that.
i got branded a biantai by Joan cause all the dares i came up with were weird.
O________O
Just because i wanna have fun doesn't brand me as a weirdo okay.
My fun ended when my mum decided to call me and scream at me.
Was prepared to get slapped when i got home but she didn't do anything.
Mehh.
Came home and stoned all the way until 5 plus before falling asleep.
<3

i had fun. And i like the way i am right now.

So, today.
i woke up at 9, thinking it was 12pm.
i jumped out of bed in shock and checked my phone.
After that i swore at myself and went back to sleep.
The next thing i know, i'm awake at 10.
Then i went back to sleep, and i woke up at 11.
So i woke up and slowly got ready for school.
i ended up reaching school at 1.10pm with my lunch in hand.
And since BB wasn't there seeing that she's busy having fun at Ritz Carlton ==''
i went to change and eat my lunch.
Then went down to the kitchen to face my impending hell.
Which wasn't much of hell actually because i have to do weird things.
But it wasn't as taxing as any ordinary IS. LOL
Stood there mashing potatoes.
After that we just did all sorts of weird things.
Ended up testing out how our croquette would turn out and realized that it wouldn't stay in its original shape cause we didn't add any binding agents in the potatoes.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Abit stupid i know.
But like yeah.
So we managed to rectify the problem.
And realized that 10kg of potatoes is too much.
HAHAHAHHA!
60g of potatoes per person.
Thats means we have ALOT of excess potatoes.
Tsk.
After class i went to meet Marcus and Vel at Cine.
=='' Fucking wasted 28.30 on the damn cab ride.
Fucking traffic and fucking oji who cheated my money. LOL
Went to watch 11.11.11 with them.
The fucking movie also waste of money one.
Don't watch.
Seriously.
Its like so fucking dark, and like so deep.
It doesn't bloody make any sense to me lorhh.
Like ==''
My face when i came out was like "wtf is this whole movie about? it doesn't make any sense to me."
After that dinner with them and boyf at Graffiti cafe.
Saw Tim, he acted like he didn't know me.
=='' _|_
Go to hell man.
Anyway. TSK.
Who cares.
Went on home and here i am blogging, drinking, tweeting and eating my lollipop. :D
i forgot to add, bitching and talking to Marcus on the phone.
It happens everytime we plan something.
AHAHAHAHAHA.
Me likey.
Because bitching sessions are fun.
:DD
We shall see man.

i sometimes ask the same thing my sister has in her head.
Why do you have to treat me so nice.
What good does it do to us.
To me, it gives me a false sense of security that nothing will change.
But look what happened.
Look at what happened to us.
You give in to me too much.
You do too many things for me.
All these leads me to taking you for granted.
Do you really like it?
i don't like how we are now.
Not that much.
i like being normal, and single.
But i don't like missing you like this.
i don't like thinking and wishing things weren't like how it is now.
What happened to me?
i always ask myself.
But i always can't find the answer.
Why?
Because i never understood what happened to me.
Not totally.
But what can i say.
Nothing.
Even if we started talking now.
There wouldn't be a difference.
All it comes down to would be us fighting.
So whats the point.


i don't know what to say to you anymore..
And i don't know what you think about anymore..
We used to be able to predict each other's moves.
But now?
Everything is gone.

Dreaming on the train just now.
Makes my heart race everytime i think about it.
Everything in that dream was about you.
You, you, you and just you.
You holding my hand.
You walking along side me.
You turned to look at me when we were nearing my destination.
You leaned over and kissed me.
Not on the cheek.
On the lips.
And i kissed back.
And then i woke up.

If i decide to tell you everything, it means i trust you.
If i trust you, i expect you not to break it.
i trust you enough to tell you everything.
Things i dare not tell anyone else.
Don't break it.

But the thing is even though i tell you things,
there are still some things i don't say.
Things i feel is unsafe to tell the public.
Things i feel shouldn't be told to anyone at all.
Even if someone else finds out from another person.
It makes me scared how small i feel sometimes.
i protect people who are dear to me.
Every single time, i try to be there for them.
But in turn who is there to listen to me.
Some people i can run to.
But for how long can i do that.
i'm a rambling wreck now.
i better shut up.
i might just come back here anytime i want to.
Bye.

Just to show that this blog hasn't died but hasn't been alive either. Okayy bye.

RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM.
i need to be random.
Because if i don't,
i'll die of suffocation.
So many things here and there.
Wtf.
Thank god for my wild imagination.
And thank god for my smut.
Thank you for making me a JE fangirl.
And thank me for me.

Now, i'll go back to being random.
RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM!

i know my blogger seems dead. Its not my fault. Lol. LiveJournal seems to be taking up more of my blogging. xD Anywayys.

Damn it, now she's gotten to me. All her Yabu dream things are starting to rub off to me. =.=
Last night when i was sleeping, i actually SAW Jin and Kame and Ryosuke and Yuya(HSJ) IN MY DREAM.
Believe me, i had 4 different dreams, cause i woke up 4 times.
The first in shock, the second in surprise, third in happiness and the last in pure bliss.
i swear i was grinning my face off when i woke up at 11 just now. =.=
Dang it. ninillie 's fault. LOL!

My dreams. If you wanna know what i had inside my mind, read. xD

i've decided to take out my dreams. LOL! My sister is driving me insane. Irritating me like shit because of them. If you wanna read then go to my LiveJournal. i'll give you the link if you ask me for it. But mind you, it's f-locked.

OMGOMGOMG.
EYE POP OPEN BIGBIG!
i just saw Jin's photos of AnAn.
Its like SUPER HOT!
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
But what to do, HE'S JUST SO GOD DAMN HOT.
im not going to post it here.
i just feel like i have the urge to go and update my livejournal.
SMILES! xD
OHH! My japanese name shall be Miyuki. (:

AllAboutMe.

Sharlene Tang
1992baby
Single (unavailable)
Shatec kid
Aspiring chef
Jubeat player
Violent
Bitchy
Understanding
Egoistic
Crazy
Fun
Loud
Vulgar
Jpop
Cpop
Pink
Hello Kitty
Love

i won't stand by and allow people to hurt my friends. i won't stay still and let people drive hate at my friends. i don't care if you like me or not, but remember this. Piss me off, and your life will be a living hell.

FriendsOrFoe.

Bryan ♥
Charlotte ♥
Chrisminie ♥
Dennis ♥
Dewi ♥
Dora ♥
Irene Daughter ♥
Jane ♥
Nicole Tang ♥
Nicole Woman Xanga ♥
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Credits

designed by lil.queens
photos: bexidaisy on DA
host: imageshack & imeem
inspiration & lyrics: TLG
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